id be glad to
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
