Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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