Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
