like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
