Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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