Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
