I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
