I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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