I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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