Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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