he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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