haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
