Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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