Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
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I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
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Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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