you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
