Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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