I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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