I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
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Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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