His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
