what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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