I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
