That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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