girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
