help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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