i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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