From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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