My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
