Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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