If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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