in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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