Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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