You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
