he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
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I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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