Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
