you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
