there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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