Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
