i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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