went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
