how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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