Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
