READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
