i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
