I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
