Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
