Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We are all done wearing pants today
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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