my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
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She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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