I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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