he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
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How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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