it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
