nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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