do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
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I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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