Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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