Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
