his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
