Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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