OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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