life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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