I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
