She's JV to your varsity
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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