I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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