Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
