I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
