im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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