I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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