i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
