I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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