The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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