I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
