Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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