So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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